My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
