LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
