Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
