these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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