Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just googled if crying burns calories
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
