TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
