I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
