It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
