When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
