im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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