why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
