She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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