I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
