Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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