you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have tasted many bathrooms
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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