she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
