It's like God shit irony all over that family
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
A+ Viking dick
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
