I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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