Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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