I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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