his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
