just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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