Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
