so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You left your phone here
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