Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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