When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
