I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
