I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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