another moral hangover. fuck.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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