i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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