we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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