you would pick up someone in the library
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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