YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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