I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
