You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
