yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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