i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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