if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
