I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
