what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
