one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She bit a glass in half.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
