he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
