pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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