hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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