If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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