are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize