So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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