I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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