I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
