the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
