Porn is love you can see.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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