If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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