If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
