I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
