in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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