i need an iv and a liver transplant
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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