how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
