Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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