It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
