if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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