Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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